This one is for you “John”.

Ocean-side-cemeteryYesterday I lost my son to cancer, today I want to remember him celebrating life. When I first heard my heart dropped. A father is not supposed to have his children go before him. I’ve struggled with my feelings trying to understand. But I’m not sure I’m supposed to. Life here is not final, but there is finality to life here. What can a person say, what can they feel? Will anger saturate my soul because he is gone, or will I praise the moments that we got to share. My mind is full of tears, but my heart is full of joy knowing that he is now with his mother that he loved dearly. I am so thankful for a God that understands when it’s time to bring his children home. I know that my love pales in comparison to Gods love. I understand now to a small degree what Job went through, pain en-wraps the soul tormenting it like a plague, thankfully God soothes it with the presence of his Holy Spirit which bring some joy knowing that my son is now with Him.

So I have a question, we are all walking towards that door. I’ve seen this door coming in my life and I’ve decided to embrace it. Death comes for us all. We can run so hard away from it that we die in our living or we can accept the fact it’s coming and hold it close to our hearts, for it is a death to ourselves that we must live in order to have a better life. Have you chosen which one you will do? I watched my son give of himself all the time. I think he understood this. We need to hold everything loosely in this life in order to gain the peace we can have for eternity.  I have chosen peace myself, I proposed a question in another post about a sunset. This is for you John.

2013-08-11 09.32.30


6 thoughts on “This one is for you “John”.

  1. very sorry to know this, may God provide you and your family strength to hold yourself in this tough times.

  2. I am sure that John is in Heaven smiling down at you….saying thank you dad. May you be comforted by the embrace of God’s holy presence and know that He loves you. This life is only for a moment and you will be reunited with your family. I am keeping you in my prayers during this season of great loss. ~Sincerely Cindy♥

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s